Celebrate The Month of May With Me!

The month of May is always a month of celebration and milestone for me.  May opens up with the recognition that I am blessed to have three children who get an opportunity to hit their dad up for money so they can purchase Mother’s Day gifts for me.  Shortly after Mother’s day, I celebrate my birthday on May 16^th.  This year I am celebrating the fact that I am 52 years old, in good health and ran I ran my first half-marathon just a few weeks ago!

Another significant point of celebration for May 2015, is the graduation of my oldest son, Johnathan better known as JohnEli, is graduating from high school.  He is a fine young man, who received the Oprah Winfrey Scholarship along with other scholarships that will help his parents pay his tuition at Morehouse College where he will be attending in the Fall 2015.

However, of the all the celebrations in the month May, the one that is very dear to me is the celebration of women who are connected to my dream, My Sister’s Keeper Foundation for Women.  For the past 8 years, I have dedicated my birthday to fundraising for MSK Foundation for the purposes of “Moving Women from Average to Excellence.” Each year that I get the opportunity to empower women through this influential leading organization is worth celebrating!

This year, I’m inviting to join the celebration by purchasing a ticket to attend the MSK Women of Excellence Awards and Scholarship Dinner that will be held on my birthday, May 16^th www.eventbrite.com/e/msk-women-of-excellence-awards-scholarship-luncheon-tickets. You can also make a tax-deductible donation to MSK Foundation on our website at www.mskfoundation.org.  There you will learn more about our organization and the work we do in empowering women and girls. Finally, you can spread the word about MSK Foundation and encourage women to connect with us through our life changing programming or by volunteering to serve with us in the future.

Thanks in advance for Celebrating the Month of May with Me!

Dr. Toni

Our History Is Our Strength

March is National Women’s History Month and this year’s theme Weaving the Story of Women’s Lives is very intriguing to me.  As I perused the website of the National Women’s History Project (www.nwhp.org) I found these words “Our History Is Our Strength.” I thought, “Yes, that’s it!” Our stories speak to our history and our history is our strength!

Many women carry shame regarding their stories. Often women keep silent about their history and many suffer with feelings of unworthiness because of painful events of their past.  Even when we have accomplishments for which we can be proud, some women are less likely to share for fear they will be perceived as aggressive, overbearing or even worse, being the target of another woman's envy or jealousy.

Like most women, I too have things in my past for which I am not proud.  There have been times in my life that I wished my circumstances were different or that things would have turned out better. Robert Clinton in his book, Connecting refers to these things as Sovereign Foundations. These are things in our lives for which we have no control over. For example, where we were born, to whom we were born, our race, ethnicity, gender and sometimes the events of our lives that characterize our history.

For example, growing up as a young girl in the city of Chicago, I suffered with low self-esteem because I was teased about being dark skinned. This week I received an email from an elementary school teacher in another state telling me that she follows me on social media and noticed that I seemed to be very comfortable in my own skin. She asked if I would be willing to speak with a young girl in her class who shared she wanted to kill herself because she did not like being dark skinned. When we spoke, I shared a little bit of my story and told her that I would be willing to speak with this student on the phone if she could arrange it with her parents. She then asked what it would take for her to bring me to her city to speak to the girls in her school about healthy self-esteem. I appreciate God for giving me the opportunity to share my story and help a young woman know she is "fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of God (Psalm 139:14).

To weave anything requires the interlacing of threads of material composing a connected whole out of the elements and details of different cloths and patterns.  When I think of weaving the stories of women’s lives I am made vividly aware of the differences women share. Yet, when brought together in a bond of unity women’s lives create a colorful tapestry of sisterhood and strength.

There are experiences that color our history and while we may have painful memories around those experiences we cannot change them. I often tell women, you are not what happened to you, but you can use what happened to you to empower others and propel you into greater stations of impact and significance. During this Women’s History Month reflect on your story, share elements of your story, celebrate the lives and the stories of other women and remember Our History Is Our Strength!

Dr. Toni

www.drrtonialvarado.com

Love Your Neighbor as Yourself...

February is always an interesting month.  It’s a time characterized by expressions of love for our spouses, significant others and love interests. Children are often encouraged in school to create and give Valentine cards to teachers, fellow classmates and parents during this festive season.  While this season is a happy time for many, there are those who dread this season because it can be reminder that they are without a special person to whom they can share the difficulties and joys of life.

While, I share this time with my husband of 22 years and my three teenage children, this month is also a reminder to me that I am not only called to love others but I am also called to love myself.  Before you stone me, I’m not talking about selfish ambition or a life filled with self-centered activities and desires.

Self-care is one of my personal values that is expressed in the way I conduct my daily affairs, manage my daily responsibilities as well as those special things I do to reward myself for the hard work and energy I put into caring for others.  Being a wife, mother, pastor, business owner, college professor, coach, mentor, professional speaker and community leader, you can imagine that my life is pretty full. However, with all that I am called to be and do, I do not fail to put myself in the equation of the things that are really important. In fact, if I am not at the top of my “to-do list” all of things that I am gifted to do will greatly suffer.

I can always tell when I am operating on fumes or when I need to rest by pulling away for a time of retreat or refreshment.  Let’s see if you are something like me: In those times where my soul is depleted I’m extra-sensitive, teary, moody, snappy or just plain old tired.  When I overload my schedule or over-commit myself, I begin to regret that I have done so, I waste precious time fighting feelings of guilt and I do not enjoy my work as much as I should. What’s even worse is that I begin to drop some of those balls I’ve been so good juggling, forgetting appointments and my work lacks the excellence and professionalism that it requires.

What does self-care look like for me?  My self-care routine takes on many forms.  It includes, exercise, healthy eating, regular spa appointments, dates with my spouse, family time, quite time, listening to good music, reading a good book, running, biking, yoga, and spiritual disciplines such as fasting, prayer and scripture reading.

In speaking of the Great Commandment, Jesus teaches us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves (Mark 12: 30-31).  This means that I am to love and sacrifice for the sake of others. This also means that I cannot truly love others if I neglect to care for myself. If you have not already done so, make a list of all the things you enjoy and begin putting self-care activities on your calendar. You will love and appreciate others better when you have cared for yourself.

Dr. Toni

www.drtonialvarado.com

What Does ‘Living With No Regret’ Mean to You? Join The Discussion…

It is always a good practice to reflect over past years as we approach the dawning of a new year. Many people begin the New Year making resolutions related to personal, professional and spiritual growth.  Yet, there are those who end each year frustrated over failed plans, disappointed hopes and deferred dreams.

In my musings, one of the thoughts that I have been struggling with is the idea of ‘Living With No Regret’.  Intrigued by this thought, I decided to ask a few women to answer the question, “What Does ‘Living With No Regret’ Mean to you?  Read how these women answered this question and join the discussion!

•     Living with no regret for me is making decisions based upon what is best for me at the time while considering how God created me rather than what others may feel is best for me.

          Meldora Skaggs

•          To me living with no regret means: Living with passion, purpose and vigor while viewing past mistakes and failures as life’s lessons!

          Aisha Ferguson

•           Living with no regret means trying everything that you believe you can do and not being stopped by your fears or anyone else’s fears for you. Life without regrets means changing your definition of failure and success.

          Deborah Woods

•           Living with no regret for me means there are no mistakes in life only life lessons that mold and shape our character. Living with no regrets means our options are limitless.

         Ebony Steiner

•           Interesting question… I am not certain we can live with no regret. In reflection of my life, I have decisions, behaviors, thoughts and actions I either regret I participated in or allowed, or regret I did not follow with full passion. Regret can be a self-check to ensure that one is living with compassion and the realization that in our human frailty mistakes are made. However, I do know that I can live without condemnation for the decisions I regret. As the Apostle Paul teaches in Romans 8:1, “Now there is no more condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.” To this I fully embrace that I am not condemned and forever bound by regretful choices. I can live free of the past and fully embrace each day as an opportunity to live in The Light!

          Yolonda Griffin-Johnson

•          Thought provoking question! I would like to say that I live a life with no regrets, but that’s not true. I have regrets but those regrets do not have me. Each year on my birthday, I look back to compare where I am with where I thought I would be or planned to be on that day. Some years I’m pleased with what I see and some years I stare at the would’a, could’a, should’a of the things that did not add up or rise up to full expectation. However, I don’t stop there I re-evaluate, forgive myself and use those failures, delayed, untimely and unfulfilled experiences as rungs on my ladder and I give myself permission to begin again or simply pick up the pieces and move forward, prayerfully and without regrets, realizing that I might encounter more things that I will regret but it will not be regret over the same mistakes.

          Billie Boyd-Cox

•           Living with no regrets for me is about learning to accept my imperfections as well as others. It’s about a conscious decision or mindset that I impose on myself knowing that when I’ve done my best, I can move on to the next thing. It’s a daily, intentional choice I make to celebrate any progress or regression knowing I have more hours in a day, more weeks in a year to course correct or accept my actions as is. Living with no regret s free and keeps me from competing with others. It also keeps me humble before God realizing that I am a part of a larger process that’s not entirely all mine.

          Hope Sutton

•          “Living with no regrets” means to me living a healthy wholesome life despite failures, disappointments, and mistakes. I see the statement as a paradox. If we live, we will have regrets. But to soar (really live), we must live above our regrets.

          Sabrina J. Ellis

I agree like most, I’m not sure if we can totally live our lives void of regret. For me, living with no regret (or minimizing my regret) means learning from past mistakes, overcoming self-defeating patterns, aligning my actions with my God-given gifts, skills and abilities, understanding the purpose and plan of God, focusing on my life calling, taking care of myself (spirit, soul and body), appreciating and spending quality time with my family and significant relationships, forgiving those who have hurt me, remaining vulnerable to love those who may hurt me, playing hard, working hard, traveling and seeing the world and living life with vigor and passion!

What Does ‘Living With No Regret’ Mean to You? Join the discussion by leaving your comments on my blog. Gather your family and friends and start a healthy discussion around this topic, and take time in this New Year to LIVE!

Dr. Toni G. Alvarado, President

Targeted Living Coaching & Consulting, LLC

www.drtonialvarado.com

www.targeted-living.com